Headmaster’s Thoughts: June 2023, Commencement Speaker’s Speech
I have given a Headmaster’s farewell for 52 graduations. Our first graduation was actually in 1971 since, when Jayme and I started York Prep in 1969, we only admitted 6th through 11th graders in the first year. But I have never given the commencement speaker’s speech, until this year. Now! So I apologize for not being Oprah Winfrey or George Clooney.
I do want to make this speech about you: the graduating class. That was the first rule on “What to say as the Graduation Speaker” which I looked up, on Google, of course, and which I got after waiting through five seconds of an advertisement for a product that reduced crepe on the underside of ones’ arm–not a problem that I ever had. Their second rule was “do not say anything that you would regret in 20 years’ time”. In retrospect, I must have been reading advice geared towards the members of the student class who would speak. I turn 80 on my next birthday…in 20 years’ time I would be approaching 100. I want to be around, so I am, cantankerous as is my nature, desperately trying to think of stuff to say that I truly would regret at 100. It would give me a reason to live. I would push myself to survive so that I could regret that I told, in my speech, something regretful about a student in the class, or maybe a faculty member. That would be great. A real reason to hang on. Unfortunately, I cannot think of a member of this class to insult. The graduates here are a varied group; in this class we have athletes (state Basketball Champions among many other sports), and dancers and actors, but also in this class we have a fencer, some great visual artists, a pastry chef, a broadcaster who is your master of ceremonies, talented musicians, an elevator expert, a rocket scientist, a wooden stool maker, journalists and a costume designer. I probably have only touched upon the obvious members. But on the surface, they may have been absent at times more than they should, but they got into good colleges, applauded me once at the end of an Ethics class, and behaved very well at the Metropolitan Opera. And they survived COVID. This was a class that was 14 or 15 when the pandemic hit in 2020. I cannot think of a more social age in one’s life. We were told to close for a week or so in March of 2020, and confidently expected to come back in April. And then they required us to stay closed until the summer. And against the recommendations of the politicians, we reopened as normal (admittedly, with the option of zooming in) with our regular program in September. It is difficult to imagine, as adults, missing a year or two of school when you are in your mid-teens. The fact that this graduating class consists of such lovely and normal young people is a testament to their grit. So, I congratulate you on overcoming that very difficult time. If it helps, I can only say that those who overcome difficulties are stronger than those who have never faced challenges. But it was a difficult time, and we do tend to forget that this cohort is the one that faced the challenge of having friendly interaction affected by a fear of a disease that did not, in fact, materially affect healthy young people like they were. In this troubled world, I am optimistic about the future because I have hope that you, who have shown resilience, will be leaders in making a change for the better.
The third rule was to have a theme. Unfortunately, Google does not suggest a theme. I think, in my case it should be advice. I mean our first graduates are now in their in their 70s, and I have been doing this for 54 years. Who better to give advice? Actually, advice is very difficult to give. It could be very small advice, such as open a banana from the end opposite where it hangs on the tree, but this occasion seems bigger than that. You could also give grand advice such as follow your dreams. But, my dream last night had me being chased. I do not know by whom or where I was going. How can one follow that dream? It is apparently one of the most popular dreams for us all. It means, again, according to Google (and this time the five second ad was for a hair depilatory) that the dreamer is apprehensive about a future direction in his or her life. I wonder what that could be. Nor could I suggest that you follow that dream unless you like being chased.
So the only advice is the same I have given to 54 years of York Prep students and you have heard it before; be your own best friend. Listen to others, read whatever is written, but do not believe everything said or written. When students realize they are working for themselves, not for their parents, not for “society”, and not for their schools, but for themselves, then they become good students, and success is more likely. I was pointed to a career as a barrister. I was good at it. I won scholarships and awards. I was the youngest barrister at the Old Bailey. And I enjoyed it, until I defended a man called Charles Kray in the longest murder trial until then in England. I was the Junior Counsel, what you would call second chair. And we did pretty well. We won on many issues. His twin brothers got life, and he got only a very few years. The Detective Superintendent in charge of the prosecution case told me that our client was the brains of the gang. And I realized, at the end of the trial, that there was the majesty of the law, which naively I thought I was part of, and the pragmatic manipulation of the law, that I was really involved with. All that study to work with guilty criminals…it seemed less majestic. So, with Jayme’s support, I left the bar after nine years (starting at 16) of preparing for law and practicing law, and, together, we opened York Prep. My fellow members of the bar thought I was having a nervous breakdown. Yet, the life of a Head of school is infinitely better than that of a criminal trial lawyer; better hours, less stress, much more fun! So, looking back, I was my own best friend. And that is what I recommend to you.
The fourth rule of giving speeches is not to give advice. Well, I have already broken that one so it is a little late to follow that rule, but we could go back to the theme idea. I mentioned, at the beginning, that I was not George Clooney or Oprah. We actually did not have either of them as graduation speakers. But, in over 50 years, we have had some famous people. The very first was Dustin Hoffman. This was 50 years ago and he had already made, several years earlier, THE GRADUATE. He had an office in Mid-Manhattan, and one of the members of the senior class, Jessica, a determined young lady, decided he would be our speaker and sat in his office for hours until he came out to find out why she was there. And she asked and he came. I remember his speech because he said that in his high school graduation, the boy in front of him seemed to glide through quickly and he afterwards discovered that the boy had graduated on roller skates. After that, we had a whole array of celebrities. One, whose name I will not mention, was drunk and almost unintelligible. One was a minor politician who urged people to vote for her (which I thought was dirty move for a speaker) so we tried to avoid politicians, but virtually all of them were kind and generous celebrities, whose gracious speeches made the commencement exercises more memorable. This year, I am afraid you have me.
I should also say that I have been to other graduations. I was at the graduation one year at Dartmouth, and the speaker was the Prime Minister of Finland. He delivered a long and rather boring speech which just went on. And slowly, with increasing volume, there came a murmur from the undergraduates which developed and became almost a chant, and it was Finnish! Finnish! Finnish.
I have even given graduation speeches at other schools. One was at a Ukrainian Orthodox School in New Jersey. They must have been desperate. I think I talked about the value of having a backup plan. I remember that at that time, I was very interested in Lawn Chair Larry, as the papers called him. I rather admired him. He was an ex-army cook who had served in Vietnam, and whose goal was to fly over his town in California at about 100 feet. So, at the age of 24, (very close to the age of Jayme and I when we started York Prep) he tried to carry out his dream. He tied four clusters of helium balloons to the back of a lawn chair, (there were 42 of them in all) and armed with a pellet gun to shoot them one at a time if he got too high, he launched. And up he went. He had practiced carefully, and knew that the balloons would definitely pop if hit by one of the pellets in his air gun. He managed to pop seven of the balloons but, unfortunately, at some point he dropped that air pistol. He later said it was because a shift of wind made the chair tip. Anyway, with no way to get down (and here is where his lack of back-up plan really hurt him), he drifted up. He had a two-way radio and was in communication with his mother who kept telling him to come down this minute. Not so easy. He ended over 16,000 feet up, that is over three miles up) floating into the approach path of Los Angeles International Airport. Pilots were somewhat surprised to see a man in a lawn chair floating by as they went into land. The air traffic controllers from LAX got onto his short wave radio and asked him repeatedly which airport he took off from, and he kept replying 1633 West 7th Street in San Pedro.
Larry did drift, with the prevailing winds, to the East, and the balloons did slowly let out helium, as balloons do. He was chased by a police car on the ground. At the end, he dropped quite quickly and had to release water bottles on board to just stay above hitting electric power lines. When the police car reached him, they asked for his driver’s license, which I never really understood. He was eventually fined $1,500 for flying without a license, but, happily, (and I would have been one if I had known at the time) some of his admirers chipped in to pay.
Maybe I told that story because it has everything. Dreams, do what you want to do, curiosity (a great quality), having a back-up plan (a second air pistol would have been good), a mother caring but telling her son to do something he could not do, and, a relatively happy ending.
So let me end because of the last and fifth rule on graduation speakers that I read on Google–and I did not have to listen to another ad to get this–and that rule was to be brief. I wish you to be happy and have fun, to achieve your goals (maybe not quite like Larry), to be inquisitive, to stay in communication with your parents even though you cannot always do as they wish, to have friends who help you when in trouble, to stay in touch with each other and your teachers…keep those social connections you have made at school because being lonely is something you actively have to fight and all too common nowadays, and, finally, I wish you good luck as you fly in your lawn chairs into the potential hazards around you.
Congratulations on your graduation.
Now to the handing out of diplomas as we have rehearsed. My wife, Jayme, has handed these out with me since we started the school in 1969 and so it is fitting that we end together. Joining us is Ms. Rooney, now Head of College Guidance and your Dean.
Ronald P. Stewart
Headmaster
York Prep
