Four Ways to Help Your Children Build Resilience Through Understanding Their Emotions

 Dear York Prep Community,                                                                      

We have surpassed the one year anniversary since the pandemic began. With the passing of time, children have been tested on how to manage an array of challenging emotions. Many students report feeling lonelier than usual and losing connection with their peers, academics, co-curriculars, and hobbies. As caregivers and educators, our first instinct is to reassure our children and sweep away their worries. However, there is another route that may serve them better in the long run. We can take this moment to help our children embrace duality; emotions can be both good and bad. A child who understands their emotions will be better prepared to deal with challenging situations in the future. In fact, our children may find that if they can withstand emotional discomfort, they will come out of this pandemic with more freedom then they had  before.  Here are some tips we can use to help our children make room for uncomfortable emotions.
 
Practice Tolerating Uncomfortable Emotions: Uncomfortable emotions serve a purpose. If you encountered a bear in the wilderness, anxiety and fear would be a normal emotional response alerting us there is danger. We can teach our children that just because they feel fear or nervousness, it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a bad thing. If we avoid the discomfort, we may be exacerbating the problem. If we face the fear (when it’s safe to do so), we can show our children how capable they are and in turn boost their confidence. Teach your child how to use uncomfortable situations as opportunities for growth.
 
 
Teach Personal Responsibility. While it’s healthy for kids to experience a wide array of emotions, it’s equally important for them to recognize they have some control over their feelings. A child who had a rough day at school can choose after-school activities that boost her mood. And a child who is angry about something her brother did can find ways to calm herself down. Teach your child about feelings and help her understand that intense emotions shouldn’t serve as an excuse to justify misbehavior.
 
Don’t confuse emotionality with fragility. Parents may worry that an emotional adolescent may be on the edge of breakdown, but in fact, there’s a lot of cushion built into their system. Adolescent emotions tend to rise, plateau, and recede on their own. Keeping this in mind, we can help our children by responding to their distress in ways that are empathic and supportive, rather than anxious or minimizing. As for a child who is fragile and carrying an unusually heavy emotional load that has been enhanced by the pandemic, a watchful eye and treatment is recommended.

Let them know hard times can pay off. Our students have already shown an enormous amount of resilience. They are living through a historically unique time and can go on to demonstrate this resilience in the face of new challenges. Let’s start by acknowledging their ability to tolerate a great deal of uncertainty. We could say something like, “It may help you to know that there’s a payoff. Uncertain times in the future, such as when you go to college or move to a new city, it won’t seem like such a big deal compared to this and will be a lot easier to take on.”

As always, York’s Wellness Team is here for further discussion and support.

Sincerely,
Ms. Aiello, Ms. Evelyn & Dr. Tennant
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