Headmaster's Thoughts: February 2023
Welcome to February. As a second child, until now I never thought of myself as a “Spare”. Of course, I am not the son of a King either. I married a second child and have no idea, or much interest, if this is a sociological factor or just chance. Currently, I have noticed a tendency to find deep psychological reasons for simpler issues.
So let me give you my take on why some students study and others do not. It is because the latter group have not yet come to terms with the fact that they are responsible only for themselves. When a young person (or older, for that matter) appreciates that he or she is working for him or herself and responsible for him or herself, then magic in education happens. No students should work for their parents, or their school, or anyone except...themselves. We cannot impose our wishes on our young. We may want to have a doctor in the family (right now an orthopedist to look after me would be very convenient, and perhaps a gerontologist), but my children must make their own way for their own goals. And no whining!
This is the reality of being a parent. Our children may disappoint us, but if they do not disappoint themselves, then they will be successful, at least in their own eyes (which is all that counts). We have students at York who surpass their parents’ expectations, and the parents think we have transformed their children. I wish we could take credit. We have merely provided the tools for their children to transform themselves. I have always told our students that I wish for them that they will be their own best friends, working for themselves, accomplishing their own goals, and not beholden to others.
Lest I become too boring on this repetitive subject, I have spent over 50 years watching young people grow and change. A student who was permanently in trouble, but always with charm, becomes a billionaire and a philanthropist. A student from what was called the worst block in New York City by New York Magazine, becomes a famous artist. A student who was too shy to talk, becomes the winner of the National Model UN delegate prize. What they discovered was that their future was in their control.
Okay, I got that out of the way. What else is there to discuss? Not, I hope, the Royal family. Who cares? Oscar Wilde divided people he met into boring and non-boring. The Royals are decidedly boring. They want to be and they are. Yes, let us admit that we would cross the road to meet them, but also let us agree that we would only do that because they are Royals (why I am capitalizing the “R” I have no idea). They have no genuine claim to any throne except that their ancestors were either warlords (Henry VII is a good example) or conveniently Protestant (William of Orange comes to mind). They wave a lot. Wave away, is my attitude. No one really gives a damn. Just wave!
All of this confirms to me that I actually love this country, and New York City in particular. We have real problems, but we do discuss them and we have more reason to whine than the “Spare” does. But we get on with our lives and, hopefully, have more good times than bad. I like talking to some of the people who walk down the block where the school is. I comment (with praise) about their dogs (always easy to do), or get out of their way if they have a baby in a carriage (future students should be encouraged), or help the Block Association in their efforts to beautify a block that is both residential, commercial (restaurants), and institutional (schools, Stephen Wise Temple, and Christian Science Church). We are blessed by being near… just about everything.
So this “Spare” is grateful that he spent his life with young people and teachers, grateful that he has a family that he adores, and grateful to still be around. And I will try and be my own best friend, as long as I have the health to do so.
Ronald P. Stewart
Headmaster
York Prep
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